A Loss is a Loss…

Okay guys, here’s the deal.

Two nights ago, my boyfriend was driving my car home from work because his Subaru has a blown head gasket. He was stopped in traffic when a young woman blasted through a yellow light and smashed into him, wedging my car beneath a large SUV. Everybody is okay, except for Justin’s whiplash.

Since my car is was old and also the smallest car involved in the accident…well, my sweet Bella is dead.

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….I could talk about a lot of things right now. I could take about my anger at losing the car I loved and took care of for 9 years. I could talk about the woman who hit my car, and how she lied to the police┬áto make my boyfriend seem at fault (even though she hit him). I could talk about how the police officer spoke to me and Justin like we were idiots, called our papers “junk”, and mixed everything up.

But really, I just miss my car so much. And I’ve been beating myself up because, as one of my friends so lovingly put it, “It’s just a material object.”

I’ve been thinking about that, and why it’s so wrong to love inanimate things. I got my car when I was 16. She was a part of me. I’ve laughed on road trips, I’ve cried on the steering wheel, slept in the front seat, moved her across numerous states, fixed her, washed her…

So I allowed myself to feel angry. I let myself get enraged, furious, scream and cry until my face turned crimson. I allowed myself to feel these negative emotions because it’s okay. It’s healthy. It’s human.

It’s so important to focus on the good: no one got seriously injured, my neighbors generously helped us through the turmoil, my parents are letting us borrow their third car until I can get another one. But if you go through something like this, where something or someone you loved unconditionally is suddenly ripped away from you, it’s okay to let yourself get mad. It doesn’t make you cynical, pessimistic, or negative. It makes you human.

So…that’s it, really. Don’t be afraid to be human.